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Dad jokes


118 replies to this topic

#101 Offline Idontexist - Posted June 19 2022 - 7:37 AM

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I am sorry young ones, but the deed has to be done...

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milk shake

What do you call a karate pig?
Porkchop

How many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

What kinda of car does pasta drive?
A spugatti

How do you fix a pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch

What does a cat say whenever it messes up?
You've got to be kitten me

Why do you always knock on a fridge before opening it?
Incase there's a salad dressing

What do you call an elephant that doesn't exist?
An irrelphant

Random questions that'll keep you up at night:

Does Mike Wazowski blink or wink?

If you wait for your waiter to get you you're food, doesn't that make you a waiter?

If you try to fail but you succeed, which one did you do?

If I punch myself and it hurts, am I strong or weak?

If I drop soap on the floor is soap dirty or is the floor clean?

Is cearal a soup?

If we clean a vacuum cleaner, doesn't that make us a vacuum cleaner?

If ponoki says that his nose will grow will it grow or stay the same?



I spent way too much time on this, lol(this is also the 100th post)

who's ponoki
  • OiledOlives likes this

#102 Offline That_one_ant_guy - Posted June 19 2022 - 8:22 AM

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Sorry meant ponokio

Edited by That_one_ant_guy, June 19 2022 - 8:22 AM.

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#103 Offline Idontexist - Posted June 19 2022 - 8:50 AM

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Sorry meant ponokio

poinkio
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#104 Offline ANTdrew - Posted June 19 2022 - 9:19 AM

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Pinocchio
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"The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer." Prov. 30:25
Keep ordinary ants in extraordinary ways.

#105 Offline Idontexist - Posted June 19 2022 - 9:52 AM

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Pincho

Pinocchio

ponchokio

Pinocchio

ponchokio
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#106 Offline Antkeeper01 - Posted June 19 2022 - 11:26 AM

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Pincho

Pinocchio

ponchokio

Pinocchio

ponchokio
just a question but just why? Why did you need to do this
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1X Pogonomyrmex occidentalis 40-50 Workers

1X Solenopsis molesta 10 Workers (mono)

Ants I Want: Crematogaster sp, Camponotus Sp., Ponera Pennsylvanica, Mymercocystus sp.

 

My Youtube channel: https://www.youtube....kUjx-dPFMyVqOLw

 

 Join Our Fledgling Discord Server https://discord.com/...089056687423489


#107 Offline ZTYguy - Posted June 19 2022 - 11:29 AM

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You will only get a strange answer with little explanation so I suggest simply ignoring this behavior and rewarding the good.


  • Kaelwizard, Antkeeper01, Leptomyrmx and 3 others like this
Ant Keeping Since June 2018
Currently Keeping:
A. versicolor, C. vicinus, C. us-ca02, C. clarithorax, C. yogi, C. sansabeanus, C. semitestaceus, C. laevigatus , M. mimicus, M. mexicanus , P. montanus, V. andrei, V. pergandei, N. cockerelli, L. humile

GO CHECK OUT ANTSEMPORIUM HERE: https://antsemporium.com/

#108 Offline bmb1bee - Posted June 24 2022 - 8:07 PM

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Director: In this show you’ll have to do the can-can.
Actress: But I can’t!
Director: Then do the can’t-can’t.

Edit: Dear god, that was cringe.

Edited by bmb1bee, June 24 2022 - 8:07 PM.

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Top three favorite colonies so far are Pheidole navigans, Hypoponera opacior, and Myrmecocystus depilis.

 

Check out my journal and shop!


#109 Offline NickAnter - Posted June 24 2022 - 8:54 PM

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What did the prosecutor charge NaCl and the energizer bunny with?

Assault and battery.


  • KadinB, bmb1bee and FloridaAnts like this

Species being kept:

 

 Solenopsis "plebeius", Camponotus vicinus, Camponotus maritimus, Formica cf. subaenescens, Formica cf. aerata, Lasius cf. americanus, Lasius aphidicola, Lasius brevicornis, Lasius nr claviger, Nylanderia vividula, Temnothorax rudis and a Hypoponera sp.

 

Hoping to find this year:

Myrmecocystus, Liometopum occidentale, Camponotus essigi, Camponotus fragilis, Manica bradleyi, Formica perpilosa, Pheidole hyatti, and a Parasitic Formica sp.

 

People are stupid. It explains a lot...


#110 Offline dspdrew - Posted June 24 2022 - 10:19 PM

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Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?

 

He's all right now.


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#111 Offline NickAnter - Posted June 25 2022 - 8:54 AM

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Variant of that one:

A man lost the left side of his body.

The nurse said that he'd be all right, but the doctor said there was nothing left.


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Species being kept:

 

 Solenopsis "plebeius", Camponotus vicinus, Camponotus maritimus, Formica cf. subaenescens, Formica cf. aerata, Lasius cf. americanus, Lasius aphidicola, Lasius brevicornis, Lasius nr claviger, Nylanderia vividula, Temnothorax rudis and a Hypoponera sp.

 

Hoping to find this year:

Myrmecocystus, Liometopum occidentale, Camponotus essigi, Camponotus fragilis, Manica bradleyi, Formica perpilosa, Pheidole hyatti, and a Parasitic Formica sp.

 

People are stupid. It explains a lot...


#112 Offline ANTdrew - Posted June 25 2022 - 9:06 AM

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What kind of doctor is Dr Pepper?

A fizzician
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"The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer." Prov. 30:25
Keep ordinary ants in extraordinary ways.

#113 Offline T.C. - Posted June 25 2022 - 5:25 PM

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Do trees poop?

Well of course they do, how do we get number 2 pencils
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#114 Offline Chickalo - Posted June 26 2022 - 5:43 PM

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This is a terrible joke because I just made it up:

What does an antkeeper say when they're leafcutter queen is finally laying eggs?

ATTA girl!

What am I doing with my life...well, time to smash my computer
(I'm probably going to edit this post to "." at some point, this can not be left alive)

Ima go ahead an ruin it for everyone, what if it was a acromyrmex queen? Or the other species that cut leaves? Like trachymyrmex?
Also: their

It appears you forgot to add proper punctuation used in the English language to signify the end of a sentence.
  • Leptomyrmx and FloridaAnts like this

ヒッピティホピティ、私の財産から性交を取得します。


#115 Offline Chickalo - Posted June 26 2022 - 5:45 PM

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The potential in great fatherhood these people have is incredible(.)
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ヒッピティホピティ、私の財産から性交を取得します。


#116 Offline T.C. - Posted June 26 2022 - 11:02 PM

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The potential in great fatherhood these people have is incredible(.)

 

I do have two dogs at home, not sure if that counts. 


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#117 Offline PaigeX - Posted June 27 2022 - 8:25 AM

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Anyone can be a father.
But it takes a real man to be a Dad.


  • FloridaAnts likes this

Favourite Genus: Polyrhachis 

Most Favourite I'm keeping: Polyrhachis ammon, Polyrhachis daemeli, Polyrhachis hookeri, Polyrhachis rufifemur, Polyrhachis vermiculosa, Colobopsis macrocephala, Dolichoderus scrobiculatus
Smaller ones: Solenopsis sp, Cardiocondyla sp, Stigmacros sp, Pheidole sp
 
Current Journals: Main   Myrmecia nigrocincta
My YouTube channel: Australian Polyrhachis +

My Instagram: australian_polyrhachis

 

May God Bless you.


#118 Offline SYUTEO - Posted June 28 2022 - 7:17 AM

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Why is Poland clean?

 

Because they're Polish.

 

I'm bad at jokes.


  • FloridaAnts likes this

Antkeeping since 2018   :)

 

All ant journal: https://www.formicul...os-ant-journal/

 

Will be cleaning up the ACAF sometime in the future.


#119 Offline SYUTEO - Posted June 29 2022 - 3:39 AM

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Another bad one:

 

Why does Mercury spin so fast?

 

Because it's quicksilver

 

Why don't soldier ants follow orders?

 

Because they're all majors.


  • PaigeX likes this

Antkeeping since 2018   :)

 

All ant journal: https://www.formicul...os-ant-journal/

 

Will be cleaning up the ACAF sometime in the future.





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