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Clean Jokes


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106 replies to this topic

#41 Offline Jonathan21700 - Posted January 20 2015 - 1:03 PM

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Haha :D


Edited by Jonathan21700, January 20 2015 - 1:04 PM.


#42 Offline InsideAntz - Posted January 20 2015 - 5:46 PM

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A bear and a rabbit were taking a poo in the woods... the bear turned to the rabbit and said "Rabbit, do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur"? The rabbit said "No". So the bear whipped his butt with the rabbit...  : )



#43 Offline LAnt - Posted January 20 2015 - 8:15 PM

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None of these are very "clean" :)

Edited by LAnt, January 20 2015 - 8:16 PM.


#44 Offline Gregory2455 - Posted January 20 2015 - 9:08 PM

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A bear and a rabbit were taking a poo in the woods... the bear turned to the rabbit and said "Rabbit, do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur"? The rabbit said "No". So the bear whipped his butt with the rabbit...  : )

I have heard that before... Do not remember where...



#45 Offline Alza - Posted January 20 2015 - 10:09 PM

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lant, little fu fu is obviously clean. pfft.



#46 Offline Crystals - Posted February 5 2015 - 10:09 AM

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A couple were going out for a rare night on the town. They put on their best clothes, called a cab, and put the cat out. The taxi arrived but as the couple walked out of the front door, the cat shot between their legs, back into the house and up the stairs. Knowing that the cat would wreck the house while they were gone, the husband ran upstairs to chase the cat out again while the wife waited in the taxi.

Since she didn't want the cab driver to know that the house would be left unoccupied, the woman explained to him: "My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband reappeared and climbed into the taxi.

"Sorry I took so long," he said. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed, and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!" clear.png  :D


"Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astound the rest." -- Samuel Clemens

 

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#47 Offline Jonathan21700 - Posted February 5 2015 - 10:58 AM

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:D



#48 Offline dermy - Posted February 5 2015 - 11:11 AM

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Haha!



#49 Offline Vendayn - Posted February 5 2015 - 6:07 PM

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Well, this is a blonde joke...so you pretty much know what to expect. How do you drown a blonde woman drinking water? --- --- SLAM the toilet lid!

#50 Offline InsideAntz - Posted February 5 2015 - 6:39 PM

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A bear and a rabbit were taking a poo in the woods... the bear turned to the rabbit and said "Rabbit, do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur"? The rabbit said "No". So the bear whipped his butt with the rabbit...  : )

I have heard that before... Do not remember where...

 

Eddie Murphy "Raw"  



#51 Offline Crystals - Posted June 20 2015 - 8:14 PM

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A recent post on Facebook reads:

 

Right now, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying all of the same principles.

So every day, I walk in the street and tell people what I ate, how I feel, and what I did & what I will do next.  I also listen to other conversations and tell them "I Like!".  I even Poke them!... and it works!

I now already have 3 people who are following me: a policeman, a psychiatrist, and a psychologist!  :)


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"Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astound the rest." -- Samuel Clemens

 

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#52 Offline AntsNY - Posted June 20 2015 - 8:21 PM

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Off the top of my head,

 

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!

 

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it!

 

What is a pirates favorite letter? Most people will answer RRRRR! If they do say, no its "The C!"



#53 Offline nurbs - Posted June 20 2015 - 11:28 PM

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A couple were going out for a rare night on the town. They put on their best clothes, called a cab, and put the cat out. The taxi arrived but as the couple walked out of the front door, the cat shot between their legs, back into the house and up the stairs. Knowing that the cat would wreck the house while they were gone, the husband ran upstairs to chase the cat out again while the wife waited in the taxi.

Since she didn't want the cab driver to know that the house would be left unoccupied, the woman explained to him: "My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband reappeared and climbed into the taxi.

"Sorry I took so long," he said. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed, and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!" clear.png  :D

 

I thought the last part of this joke would end with the word "[censored]" in it.

 

But, yeah, clean jokes.


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#54 Offline Trailandstreet - Posted July 7 2015 - 3:05 AM

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Now I know, why someone is called a [censored], if he is hiding under a bed. :facepalm: :pleasantry:


:hi: Franz

if you find any mistakes, it's my autocorrection. it doesn't speak english.


#55 Offline James C. Trager - Posted July 7 2015 - 9:04 AM

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So, an Argentine ant and a Cardiocondyla walk into the ant bar; Barkeep says, "You two been introduced?" ...

 


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#56 Offline AntsTexas - Posted July 7 2015 - 11:29 AM

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The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?''
The driver is understandably hesistant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.''
But the pope persists, ''Please?''
The driver finally lets up. ''Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.''
So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: ''Chief, I have a problem.''
Chief: ''What sort of problem?''
Cop: ''Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important.''
Chief: ''Important like the mayor?''
Cop: ''No, no, much more important than that.''
Chief: ''Important like the governor?''
Cop: ''Wayyyyyy more important than that.''
Chief: ''Like the president?''
Cop: ''More.''
Chief: ''Who's more important than the president?''
Cop: ''I don't know, but he's got the pope DRIVING for him!


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Ant Queens found:

 

Solenopsis Invicta,  Solenopsis xyloni,  Brachymyrmex depilis/Sp,  Myrmecocystus Mimicus,  Pogonomyrmex barbatus,

Forelius pruinosus,  Camponotus sayi, Dorymyrmex insanus, crematogaster ashmeadi,

 

----------------------------------------

Ant Queens i have going right now:

 

camponotus sayi, solenopsis invicta, Myrmecocystus Mimicus, Forelius pruinosus

Pogonomyrmex barbatus, and some others (no i.d.)

---------------------------------------

YouTube:  AntsTexas

 

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/cdockray1

 

Facebook page:  AntsTexas


#57 Offline Trailandstreet - Posted July 9 2015 - 4:22 AM

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The Pope, Barrack Obama, Angela Merkel, Wladimir Putin and a little boy travelled by plane. After a while the engine broke down, the Captain took one of the five parachutes and left the plane.

Wladimir jumped up and shouted, "I have to save the world from capitalism!", took one of the bags and jumped off.

Barrack shouted, "I cannot allow communism to dominate the world" and followed him.

Angie cried "Barraaaaaaack!" and jumped off too ;)

The Pope came over to the boy and said, "I am an old man and I will soon be on my heavenly fathers side. You are a young boy and you have the whole life in front of you. Take my parachute"

The boy replied, "I don't need to take your parachute, XXXXXXX took my school bag."

 

 

(...and whom would you let have taken the school bag ;) )


:hi: Franz

if you find any mistakes, it's my autocorrection. it doesn't speak english.


#58 Offline Crystals - Posted July 21 2015 - 2:27 PM

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A linguistics professor is giving a lecture and after a long-winded explanation about the concept of negatives begins his conclusion and says, "So, as we can see, in some languages a double negative is a positive, and in other languages a double negative is still a negative, but in no language is a double positive a negative."

A voice from the back of the classroom says, "Yeah, right."


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#59 Offline Pulliamj - Posted July 21 2015 - 4:08 PM

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This an Aggie joke sorry in advance...

So 2 guys went flowder fishing or "gigging". They were wading around in shallow water barefoot. The buddy saw a movement and stabbed his spear right into his friend's foot. They go to the doctor. Doctor comes out and informs the buddy his friend was going to be just fine. The doctor had just one question. Why were there 2 holes in his foot? The buddy replied the one was from my spear the other was for the stringer...

#60 Offline Pulliamj - Posted July 21 2015 - 4:16 PM

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Guy goes into a bar and sits down strikes up a conversation with another guy. Guy explains he has made some really bad decisions lately and he fells just stupid. The other man tells him he has just the thing. Pulls out a green bottle and hands it to the man take 1 pill everyday for a week and meet me back here. Next week they meet the guy explains that he still feels stupid. And the pills taste aweful. Man pulls out a blue bottle and says try 1 of these stronger ones everyday for a week and meet me back here. Next week same thing pills tasted even worse and not feeling any smarter. Guy pulls out a red bottle and says they are the strongest smart pills he has. Try 1 everyday for a week and meet me back here. Next week they meet. The man says so do you feel any different. The guy says no he doesn't but he was pretty sure that red bottle was full of goat poop. The man laughs and says see you are getting smarter...




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